If these walls could talk…

Humans have built many magnificent structures. Pyramids, temples, castles, skyscrapers, we love to build. Though we may not all be architects, engineers or construction workers, we all seem to be very good at building walls. I, myself, have built the sturdiest of walls. I know this because I’ve been working on tearing down these walls. It hasn’t been easy.

If these walls could talk, I’m sure they would probably be laughing at how foolish I am. How much time and effort I put into building such grand walls, only to spend ever more time and effort trying to destroy them. But why?

We begin to build these walls without even realizing it. They are our protection, our weapon. They will keep us from getting hurt. Keep out the pain. Keep us from being vulnerable. Keep out the judgement or even worse, the rejection we might experience if we were to expose our true selves. Or so we think. Brene Brown in her 2010 TED talk  speaks to how we can’t segment emotions. If we keep the bad stuff out, we also keep out the good. Wait a minute, so if we can’t experience the good, what is the point? What is our reward for these splendid structures we have built? What is it that we end up feeling? Nothing. In an effort to protect ourselves, we end up building our own personal Alcatraz.

I personally prefer freedom. Throughout history, freedom has come with a cost. Blood, sweat, tears, struggle. The battle with ourselves is always the worst, until we realize we are the ones making it that way. Why are we so afraid of being vulnerable? Why are we so afraid of rejection? Are these not experiences we all go through in life at some time or another? Are they not what makes us human? Why not learn to embrace them? Without sorrow, how can we know joy? Without rejection, how can we know acceptance? Without a full range of experience, how can we fully live?

If these walls could talk…well I won’t worry about that. There are not many of them left and I don’t plan on building any more.

New Year, New Thoughts

Happy New Year! There is something special about being born on the 7th day of the year. <numerology aside> I am not really a New Year’s resolution person as I resolve to be a better person with each day that I am blessed. But I do spend the first 7 daysof each year meditating on my life. I reflect on the growth I have achieved, areas where I have lacked any growth at all and what I really want out of life. I believe what we want out of life changes regularly but underneath our varying desires, it is always routed in our purpose. We are always driven in the direction of our purpose, we may just need to travel down multiple different paths before we realize we have always been heading in the same direction. But once you finally get on course…

2013 was a huge year for me. I have grown more than any other time in my life. I have learned more about myself than any other time in my life. I have strengthened bonds with the people who will forever be the family I chose and I have met some amazing people that have taught me so much. The key lesson I have learned that will be a guiding force for this year is:

Never be afraid of your own power. Never be smaller than you really are. Step into your greatness. 

If you are afraid of your own power, how will you ever help someone else? Have an amazing year! I know I will.

What’s important…

I’ve learned experiences are much more valuable than things. I’ve learned that quality conversations and quality time with quality people make life grand. I’ve learned that putting 100% into everything you do creates magic. I’ve learned that love given freely without expectation is the kind that heals, not only others but yourself. I’ve learned that forgiveness is a super power, especially when directed toward yourself. I’ve learned that everyone needs something to believe in and hope can change the world. I’ve learned that the most important thing is life is this moment, because it is the only thing that is ever truly real. So don’t waste it, live it fully, because once it’s gone you never get it back.

A moment…

The past few weeks have been crazy busy. I have not had a chance to write as much as I like to, buy hey, better busy than bored. I did want to take a moment today and capture my thoughts and feelings. Today is my daughter’s 18th birthday. My first born. There has been a lot of reflection today as well as admiration for the woman I am watching blossom before my eyes. Being a mom is not easy. It is the hardest job in the world. There is absolutely no down time, there is always worry, pressure, stress, mistakes and concern. But the smiles, laughter, joy and love make it all worth it. Becoming a mother was the greatest gift I have ever or will ever receive.

Convergence…or some of the realist ish I ever wrote

I looked in the mirror today and saw two reflections overlapping…

One was the girl I used to be and the other was the woman I am becoming. I am not quite her anymore and not quite she yet. I am at the convergence of my lessons learned and stepping into my purpose.

I am not the person I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, yesterday…

This year has opened me up. Challenged my beliefs. Pushed me to my limits. And taught me how to be still. Some people have left my life as their journey and mine required it. Some people have entered my life to help me grow. I love them all for I know every one you meet has a purpose.

There is always a reason, whether it be for a season or a lifetime…

I have found my way back to my passion. I am remembering those things that feed my soul. The innate knowledge of self we all have but somewhere during the transition from childhood to adulthood we easily forget.

I have learned the key to life is love, laughter and tears…

For without the tears, we would not know the value of laughter. Without the pain, we would not know the value of love. You can never know good, if you have not experienced bad.

What I know for sure is that love is everything. We are meant to love. Without condition. Without boundaries. Without fear. With honesty and truth. Love does not judge or confine. Love just loves.

I looked in the mirror today and saw me. Unfiltered, raw, open me. And for the first time, I realized I loved her more than anything in this world…and that was ok.

In my feelings…

I feel everything…on the inside. I am not one to openly show my emotions, which means sometimes I suppress things without even realizing it. I made the mistake of watching two extremely emotional movies within a 24 hour period this weekend and they really had me in my feelings. I must commend creatives who through their work can touch those very spots in our hearts we try to conceal. The movies took me back to two very tragic events in my life, the death of my father and the death of my best friend. It’s hard when you lose someone you love. It’s even harder when you know they are dying and you can do nothing but watch their physical bodies waste away before your eyes. It is in these moments you see the strength of a person’s soul.

I am typically a pretty positive and happy person. It was a long road to this place in my life, but I’m grateful that I have found that type of peace within. But I realize sometimes you have to feel the pain. You have to let those tears fall. You have to experience it all. For without knowing pain, you could not know joy. Without the full range of experience, you would not know what it is like to really live.

Miss you Daddy. Miss you Misty. I am grateful I am blessed with two guardian angels.

 

Blank canvas and open heart…

Its Day 12 into my 30 days of joy. It’s funny how when I decide to focus the next 30 days of my life on finding joy, everything goes crazy. I guess God wanted to make sure I knew how to find my joy in the midst of madness.

So after a long day at work, coming home and doing all my mom/home duties, I sat down to a blank canvas and opened my heart…love poured out.

The painting is a work in progress, but I clearly got the reminder. Joy lives within. Unleash it.

Joyful Balance

The craziness that has been work lately spilled over into my weekend, robbing me of the traditional two days to myself without work weekend. I could have let this steal my joy, get in the way of things I had planned, had a bad attitude about it. But I realized that it was a reminder to pay attention to one of the most important things in life – balance.

Though I have put in extra hours managing not so fun situations at work the past few weeks, I am grateful I have been able to come home and spend time with people I love, doing things I love doing.

I had the best time with my daughter at the Drake concert. We forgot about real life and danced and sang/rapped the night away.

I also had the best time with my sun exploring Atlanta Vegfest and going to the movies to watch our favorite type of movie.

These are the moments life is all about.

I also spent time reviewing my vision board, writing, drawing and having some wonderful conversations with some of my favorite people.

So yea, work can sometimes be inconvenient or annoying, but the life I am able to live when I close my computer makes it all worth it.

Balance is the key to life, the foundation of my joy.

Have you set aside time in your crazy life to do something just for you? It should be the first thing on your priority list…

Because if you are not enjoying your life, what the hell are you working so hard for?

 

Lunch time zen, musical moments and the power of the pen

Today was kinda crazy at work. I could have used it as an excuse to fall off track of my 30 days of joy, but excuses are not an option. In the middle of the madness, I escaped with my yoga pal for lunch time asanas with a view of the fall colors adorning the trees outside of our office.

The workday madness spilled over to the evening hours. After a late arrival home, I prepared one of my favorite quick meals and spent more time eating and enjoying than preparing the meal. (Good food always brings joy!)

Once I finished a few chores, I cranked up my favorite Pandora channel and conducted my own shower concert 🙂

I will spend the rest of the evening doing one of the things that brings me the most joy: creating. Tool of choice: pen. There is nothing quite like free flow writing. Excuse me while I get into my zone…

What moments did you steal for yourself today?

Old friends, comfort food and vampire shows

 

Yesterday was a full day so I didn’t get a chance to write. My weekend overflowed of little things that add a lot of joy to my life. Here are a few:

• Watched the Spartans blow out U of M with my little man and my fellow Spartan/BFF
• Took some moments to simply admire the beauty of fall and quiet time in nature
• Spent long overdue and promised time with old friends which resulted in a lot of fun and laughs
• Made soup from scratch – great fall comfort food (and I do love to eat) (chopping veggies is my meditation)
• Indulged in lazily watching a variety of vampire shows (those who know me know this is my secret addiction)

Joyful moments come in many ways, shapes and forms. Anything that results in a smile can add joy to your life. The more you focus on smiles instead of frowns, the better your life becomes. It’s the little things we discover in the end were really the big things.